Doug's Movie Club! 1998 Reviews

    Here are some of the films that Doug's Club has reviewed over the year 1998! But first, the Doug rating system:

    Dig it, baby! Whatever, Daddy-O. El Sucko !

    The Prince of Egypt

    [12/29/98] I have to admit that I'm into these cartoons (which the studios don't like them to be called, because "cartoon" has a bad connotation to it), and Prince is no different. Perhaps because it reminds me of the Fresh Prince of San Francisco, my pal Karim, but I enjoyed the characters, the many well known voice actors, and the animation. I never done saw that Red Sea parted like that before!

    Mighty Joe Young

    [12/27/98] Big Ape -- fun! Old looking Bill Paxton -- pitiful. Happy, perky blonde hollywood newcomer -- fun! Well, two out of three ain't bad, folks. Some well filmed chase scenes remind me of The Lost World, which is good, but I failed to be touched when the 45 year old guy got the 22 year old girl. But then again, I'm not 45 yet.

    Star Trek: Insurrection

    [12/13/98] As was the case with that dopey X-Files movie, I find the T.V. series much more entertaining and meaningful. I suspect the screenwriters watched half a dozen of the T.V. episodes before writing such flimsy 1-dimensional characterizations. Watching Data say "Lock and Load!" made me wince, but the film does have a certain appeal to the lowest common denominator.

    American History X

    [12/2/98] I found this film disturbing in many ways, including some violence which made my teeth hurt, some drawn out scenes that were so quiet I knew exactly how many people in the theatre had the flu, and the worst crying scene at the end of the film. I mean... c'mon! Show some damn tears. I cried more watching the season finale of NYPD Blue. I did find this film to be very powerful at points, and Ed Norton's performance keeps him at the top of my favorite new actor list. I hear the director was upset about this release since he wanted to make changes that weren't accepted. So I'm awaiting the DVD director's cut one day. What about little Eddie Furlong, you ask? Not bad, but the jury's still out on this guy. Boy it sure is easy passing judgement from my high chair here at Doug's Movie Club!

    Enemy of the State

    [11/16/98] The Fresh Prince and Gene Hackman are gettin' Jiggy wit it in this action film by the action tag team of Don Simpson & Jerry Bruckheimer! The movie doesn't waste any time, and grabs you shortly after the opening sequence. Mixing accurate surveilence technology with a hearty dose of paranoia, the plot has Fresh Prince getting chased all over by a crack team of NSA operatives. Only with the help of Gene does he have a chance, since Gene plays an ex-operative himself with a whole bag of techo-tricks. I really enjoyed the film since it combined great action with believable technical products (don't even get me going on how lame Mission Impossible was on both of these criteria). Speaking of which, Jon Voight plays another bad guy! And it is a pleasure to see the tables turned on him as Enemy of the State delivers a very satisfying ending.

    Pleasantville

    [11/15/98] I have to say right now that I am starting to hate trailers. No, not those tin cans that poor people live in "down by the river" -- but the previews you see in the theatre for movies coming out soon. These days, they show too much in these damn trailers! I don't even need to see half these movies since the whole plot is usually spelled out in 60 seconds! And that's what happened in Pleasantville. If you happen to be lucky or oblivious enough to not have seen the trailer, I think you will like this film a lot more. In my case, the only thing that wasn't ruined by those damn evil trailers was the casting of Don Knotts as a wacky T.V. repairman. His best role since Three's Company! But I guess I've now ruined that for you, too.

    Practical Magic

    [10/25/98] Sandra Bullock (who once again doesn't get naked!) and Miss Tom Cruise star as a couple of Witches who seem to have some pretty powerful potential to cast a bunch of fun spells, but never really do. Some of the scenes are fun to watch, and the chemistry between the girls and their grandmothers is enjoyable. But frankly, I want to see them wiggle their noses and start changing people into toads and things. Or at least have some magic battles with their cranky mother who hates their mortal boyfriends. But no! This movie has to be practical.

    What Dreams May Come

    [10/18/98] I'm mixed on this "Mr. Robin goes to Heaven" film. I like the computer assisted effects done on his personal heaven (we all have our own little heaven, did you know?), but I didn't like how this film presents such a complete picture of the afterlife that you don't get to use your imagination much. The ending came too fast, with Robin going to Hell and coming to a quick resolution. Did you know Hell is paved with the "damned", and only their heads sticking out of the ground? It sure must be fun to run around on them! "Hey, look out!" they must say. "Get that damn Mork off my head!" Personally, I think it was a worse Hell for Jonathan Winters when he was forced to play a baby on Mork and Mindy.

    Rounders

    [9/27/98] I have to say, this film has got some impressive actors in it. And I don't mean that pretty-boy Matt Damon, either. The always evil John Malkovich, playing a Russian; Martin Landau playing a judge; John Turturro playing some gambler, and Edward Norton playing some other gambler, who has the nickname of Worm. I knew a guy in college who we called "Worm". Boy, he hated that. Anyway, that Norton guy gave me a big kick when I saw him in that Richard Gere movie Primal Fear. He was great in it! Norton, that is. Gere sucks in all his films but Officer and a Gentleman. And maybe Pretty Woman. Anyway, I enjoyed most of this movie, but the dynamic between Damon and his girl falls flat.

    Blade

    [9/13/98] Two things you gotta know here: 1)This is an action film, and 2)The dialogue is bad. That understood, it's pretty enjoyable. Wesley Snipes plays the hippest black vampire since Blackula, and the cinematography takes some interesting turns which work very well for the film. The first half of Blade grabbed me pretty well, but the end was disappointing as it turned into a typical hollywood showdown.

    The Negotiator

    [9/6/98] Kevin Spacey saves this film, as he lends a bit of credence to an otherwise faulty premise. Oh, and seeing that Pig Vomit guy from Howard Stern's movie was an extra bonus! I guess I can buy Sam Jackson getting framed by the cops, but I hate how everyone and their mother uses a computer to call up every bit of detailed information to solve their problem in these films! They'd be lucky to dig up a good recipe on these damn computers, let alone hours of taped conversations that conveniently let Jackson off the hook. In fact, you're lucky you even found my website! Think you're pretty smart, don't you?

    The Avengers

    [8/16/98] This movie is so horrible, that I had to think of a new rating to give it. Hence, the new "Dreaded-Double-El-Sucko"! That's right kids, two big ass thumbs down. The dialogue is stilted and insulting to anyone with real wit, the story moves at an unpleasant jerky pace, and every action scene is a disappointment. Don't even bother renting it.

    Saving Private Ryan [Special Guest Reviewer "Ward"! ]

    [7/26/98] Spielberg satiates the new American appetite for heroes, but does so at a price. He forces us to witness the overwhelming horror of war. Clearly, this is the most realistic and powerful portrayal of war that has ever been filmed.

    We see Tom Hanks' latest heroic role as a WWII Captain Miller out to rescue the only surviving son of a humble midwestern American family. Hanks plays the simple soldier, like a modern day James Stewart. We find relief from the gruesome battlefront with simple excellent dialogue and acting amongst the men under Hanks. Spielberg talks to us through Hanks by reaching out to our notions of war and patriotism as he motivates his men to risk life and limb for one man.

    Private Ryan himself becomes the symbol for American values. Spielberg let old Hollywood die; when John Wayne types escaped realism with minimal blood. Instead he says that war can't be glorified, but we can find the importance of one man's life. Hanks sums this up saying to Damon, "you deserve to be saved!"

    This flick will be "saved" for many years to come!

    Lethal Weapon 4

    [7/24/98] As someone I know commented, "This movie was a little too Lethal-Weapony". What does that mean exactly? Canned jokes, bad acting, an ever-aging Mel Gibson, plus lots of gunfire and crashes and fire. Chris Rock adds a bit of real humor in this one, but that stupid Joe Pesci just needs to forget comedy. I did enjoy the kung-fu-fighting bad guy in this one, who has a number of great scenes! But the fights are a little lame because the entire audience knows that in a minute this guy would have broken both necks of these tired-ass, old looking, bad-joke-cracking jokers.

    Something About Mary [Special Guest Reviewer "Mary"! ]

    [7/22/98] Something About Mary is a great title for a movie. All the Mary's I've ever known were fabulous, wonderful people. Mary is a nice name. And yes, there's generally something about Mary in a Mary near you.

    Cameron Diaz plays Mary in Something About Mary. She's very pretty. All Mary's look like Cameron Diaz.

    There are some other people in the movie, but they're just not Mary. And there's something about a Mary. Why, even Dick Van Dyke sang, "It's a jolly holiday with Mary" in Mary Poppins, another tale of a wonderful, fabulous Mary. And who could forget how wonderful Mary was in "It's a Wonderful Life." It should have been called, "It's a Wonderful Mary."

    So, go see Something About Mary. I know that when I, Mary, get around to seeing it, I'll like it.

    Mulan

    [7/11/98] Disney has a great formula these days: Take 1 young hero/heroine, add 1-2 fiesty talkative sidekicks, mix in 1 evil scary villian, make them all sing some dopey songs, and out pops a money making cake with extra sugary frosting! In this particular case, Eddie Murphy does the fiesty sidekick voice -- not as good as the 'ole Genie in Aladin, but it still pulled some laughs out of me. The story rolls along nicely, but the musical numbers aren't as memorable as past Disney money making cakes.

    Armageddon

    [7/5/98] This film and Deep Impact are surpisingly the same, which I guess is not much of a surprise due to Hollywood's running lack of originality. What is a suprise to me is that I liked them both! The things I like about this one in particular are: Charleton Heston doing the opening monologue, Billy Bob Thorton (Sling Blade) trying his hand at a somewhat normal character, that wacky bad toothed Buscemi, and for some reason I always like Bruce Willis. The really good part of the film is watching those no-showering, baguette-eating, dirty rude Frenchies get wiped out by a meteor! The annoying side of the film is a bit too much heart-string pulling and phony sentimentality.

    The Perfect Murder

    [6/28/98] I don't know how much more I can take of Michael Douglas playing an evil wealthy New Yorker, but I enjoyed the film. I never really liked Gwenyth "I-got-dumped-by-Brad-Pitt" Paltrow, so it's fun to see her being the target of murder! This film had me flip-flopping between rooting for Douglas to get away with his crimes, or paying for them. Plus there was enough tension to make this movie work for me.

    The X-Files

    [6/14/98] You know, you would expect there would be a few changes from the TV show to the big screen. But unfortunately, the only real difference is now Mulder says a few curse words. Two episodes I've seen on TV pretty much sum this movie up, and did a better job! A lot of people think that UFO's and government conspiracies are unbelievable... I think that the scene where Scully is naked in some Alien frozen-suspension-tube one moment -- then fully clothed in pants, sweater, and parka the next -- is what is truly unbelievable!

    The Truman Show

    [6/7/98] Jim Carrey's big serious role, huh? Well just because he toned down his all-out psycho spastic mode doesn't make this a drama. I really liked the beginning of the film and how it jumped right into things without a lot of that boring credit business where every film tries to do something new and wacky with the opening credits. The concept of this film is interesting enough, but something was missing for me.

    The Horse Whisperer [Special Guest Reviewer "Mike Ritter"! ]

    [5/24/98]     If you're going to play the strong silent type on screen, you sure as hell better have something interesting to say when you finally open your mouth. Gary Cooper built an entire career on this premise. But after 2 and a half hours of "The Horse Whisperer", Robert Redford's latest star/director/producer turn, the film's primary question remained unanswered: Who is Kristen Scott Thomas and why would any man want this mercurial British bitch?
        The plot had potential: A snotty New York girl and her horse are injured in a horrific accident. Her cold, distant mother (Thomas) seeks to heal horse and girl, and maybe her own constipated psyche with the help of monosyllabic horse doctor (Redford) way out in Montana. That's the movie I wanted to see. Man communing with horse in the great western expanse, beautifully photographed under Redford's own direction. The story of the daughter and mother finding each other, yadda, yadda, yadda....That I was ready for. But then there was Sam Neil as the kind, gentle, decent loving father and husband back in New York. I took one look at him and thought: man, she's really gonna fuck him over. That's the movie I got.
        She quickly forgets her daughter's rehab and starts trying to corral Redford. Yet, I could never figure out why either Sam Neil or Robert Redford would even want this person. Neither Redford's directoral hand (the back of which might have better been applied directly to Ms. Thomas) nor the script by Eric Roth & Richard LaGravenese gives us any clue to the alleged allure of this ice queen. On screen Redford's character remains tight-lipped on the subject. Perhaps he was merely afraid to open his mouth in Thomas' presence for fear that she would try yet again to ram her tongue down it. Sadly, Redford has little solo time in which to open up in relative safety from his harridan co-star and explain why we should care about a woman bent on destroying her family.
        Forgive me if I fail to grasp, in this post-Madison County world, the romantic appeal of Ms. Thomas' fascination with female infidelity. She took a similar role in an even more stupefying film, 1996's "The English Patient," so I feel relatively secure in suggesting that this particular actress has issues. Perhaps I just identify more closely with the poor cockled bastards her characters leave in their wakes. That movie-going audiences, the women in particular, should identify with these characters is incomprehensible. Then again, maybe not.
        In this era when a female White House corespondent for Time magazine can confess to the Washington Post that she would gladly felate the president in gratitude for keeping abortion safe, sexual politics have apparently come full circle. I acquiesce to the judgement of my swooning countrywomen: Kristin Scott Thomas for president. Just keep her off the screen.

    Deep Impact

    [5/17/98] This film looks pretty stupid from the trailers, doesn't it? Also, just the name and the media talk makes you not want to see it, right? Well, if you're saying to yourself, "Wrong, Doug, I did want to see it!", then what can I say? You're a dope! Insults aside, I found this film to be a touching human drama which just happens to have some cool F/X to boot. So there. I especially liked the idea of a black president.

    He Got Game

    [5/10/98] I had few expectations for this Spike Lee joint, and I was nicely surprised! I've always liked Denzel, and he doesn't let me down here. Even though I believe in the motto Never Trust Whitey, I still didn't like the "Evil-White-Man-Backs-Out-On-His-Promise" thing at the end. Also, I was waiting through the whole film to see Spike's patented directing signature where someone is walking along, but they aren't really walking, they're kinda floating, and it's a bit stupid, since who the hell floats down the street these days -- and I thought he had forgotten to shoot such a scene! I was pretty happy with myself having caught this, when in the very end credit scenes he tossed one in. So, he got me, and game.

    The Big Hit

    [5/3/98] Mark-E-Mark plays a poor sap controlled by the two evil women in his life. Hmm, sounds like a friend I know! Ha, just joking. Anyway, I enjoyed the way this dark-comedy-action-parody was filmed, and I enjoyed Lou (My-Wife-Left-Me-For-A-Hot-Lesbian) Diamond-Phillips' overacted part. Some parts left me laughing rather heartily, but the film overall was a bit too fluffy even for me.

    City of Angels

    [4/19/98] A lot of folks compare this film with Ghost, and I have to say that in such a comparison this film loses out. I didn't like how the "angels" were portrayed (for being granted an eternity of happiness, they don't seem too happy at all. Of course, these particular angels happen to reside in Los Angeles, so frankly who could blame them). I didn't like the predictability of almost every scene, especially the last 20 minutes. I do like that dirty fat slob Sipowitz from NYPD Blue, and I like that perky Meg Ryan, so I enjoyed enough to save this film from the damning rating of "El Sucko"!

    Mercury Rising

    [4/5/98] This film's premise is that an autistic young boy can look at some 512 bit encrypted jumble of characters and "see" the code. As we all know from Rain Main, autistic's are only good at counting things like toothpicks or playing cards, and keeping track of what's on and when with the new television lineups. NOT breaking 512 bit strong encrypted codes!! But hey, that aside, I thought it was a pretty stupid movie. My only pleasure was seeing Alec Baldwin get kicked, shot, killed, and his wine bottles knocked over.

    Twilight

    [3/15/98] Twilight is from the film noir genre, and slowly moves through its plot like a crippled kid in that big bin of plastic balls that parents throw their annoying children into when to go to shop at IKEA. This film sure has some top stars in it, but I got quickly bored of seeing their tired-ass whining about cancer and money and how they can't carry a gun anymore because they're so damn old. But the film succeeded in one thing: I'm now pretty terrified about getting older!

    Wag the Dog

    [1/18/98] You'd think this movie would be great, what with DeNiro and Hoffman and all... well, you'd be WRONG! Dialogue that's too much and too hard to hear, one dimensional characters, a story you don't even care about, and a scene that parodies "We are the World" way too long all add up to a great big El Sucko, boys and girls. The only thing I liked about this film was a brief appearance by Woody Harrelson.

    Good Will Hunting

    [1/15/98] An impressive film that not only stars, but was written by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. I have to say that when I see that Robin Williams is in a film, it really makes it a crap shoot for me. I mean, this guys been in some bad freakin' movies! Plus, I don't even like his stand-up too much. Fortunately, he's been in some pretty damn good movies too, and this is one of them. Filmed in Boston, the actors do a reasonable job of that horrible accent and a great job playing those Irish white trash poor bastards. And Matt Damon? On the money, baby.

    Titanic

    [1/11/98] Some people say the love story of this film is a bit corny. Well, I agree, but I was liking a little bit of corn in the sea! Love story aside, this film succeeded in drawing me into the story of the Titanic. I didn't look at my watch once as I saw the inner workings of the ship (a whole different world down there), and the horrible specifics of what it must have been like for those poor bastards bobbing around like popsicles in the sea. You won't be able to just say, "The Titanic is a boat that sank" after seeing these well shot details! My last comment: what is up with the chick ditching the necklace in the end?! I don't know of ANY woman who would discard jewelry.

    Deconstructing Harry

    [1/4/98] Whoa! Woody Allen playing a guy who can't remain faithful and has some perverted sexual preferences? A bit of a stretch, but I'll buy it. Woody does his usual shtick, but it all comes together very nicely with some interesting sequences that mix characters in a play with the movie characters, and tossing in Billy Crystal as the Devil. However, not only do I not believe that a woman as sexy as Elisabeth Shue would french kiss a shriveled-up prune like Woody, but it in fact slightly repulses me! That being said -- Go, Woody!